i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
