...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
