I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
