could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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