were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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