apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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