i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I could fuck to npr.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
