Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Someone signed my nipple.
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