i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
