3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
