you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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