what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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