So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
