apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
