it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
