I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
