legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
