First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize