yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
