I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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