I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
