What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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