No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
