I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
