But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
