just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I love you. Go after that dick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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