He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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