Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
