Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize