Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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