remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
