He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
