I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
