I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
