So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
