i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
