12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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