I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
