I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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