The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
