Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
