i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
