you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize