Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
