New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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