I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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