I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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