u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
are you so shy because you have an std?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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