i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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