no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
