i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
