i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
