I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
