Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
