i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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