the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize