yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
