Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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