I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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