he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The air was thick with penises
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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