If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
