i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
