I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize