I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
