It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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