My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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