You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
