Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
