I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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