Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do herpes really smell.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
