Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
