Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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