A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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