i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
