just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
