if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
