Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
