I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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