i think my tv is drunk
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
