I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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