There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize